Independent FPL mischief Made for the group chat
THE ROAST
Fantasy football. Actual consequences.The pilot issue

The Roast: Your mini-league’s
weekly roast.

Big points. Bad captains.
Absolutely nowhere to hide.

Get it for your league Tell us what you think
  1. 01

    The organiser pastes a league ID.

  2. 02

    We read the public FPL data.

  3. 03

    Every gameweek, the chat gets a roast, power rankings & “The Dagger”.

An AI-written roast, checked and sent personally by Andrej. You drop it in the chat. That’s the pilot.

From the back page to your group chatGW05 / 26–27
Sample edition

Same league.
Three ways
to take it.

Pick your pundit. Read the roast. Decide whether your group chat can handle it.

Choose the sample tone

Names are made up. Statistics are real.
GW5, 2026/27. Public FPL data, checked against the supplied facts table.

The Dagger
One award. The week’s most brutal FPL decision. The numbers do the talking.

The Lads’ LeagueThe Roast · weekly dispatch
GAMEWEEK 5
🍺 THE ROAST — GW5 The Lads' League Edition Ten of you captained Haaland. He got 6. Ten sheep, one shepherd. 🐑 🏆 POWER RANKINGS 1. Gaz — 80 pts. Triple-captained Haaland for 18 and STILL won by miles. Lead now 86. Mate, leave some for the rest of us. 2. Liam — 58, zero transfers. Did nothing, got rewarded. Classic. 3. Rhys — 55, up to 7th. Bench scored 0, which for once is the right number. 4. Sam — up to 6th, but Thomas scored 9 on your bench. Nine! 🪑 5. Tom — 10 pts on the bench. Your subs had a better week than you. … 11. Mo — 48 pts, still bottom, still 191 behind Gaz. Keep the faith. Or don't. 🗡️ THE DAGGER Dev. Four transfers, a −4 hit, and then captained Calvert-Lewin… for 2. That's 4 points for the armband and minus 4 for the privilege. You paid to go nowhere. 🙃 Honourable mention: Jen benching Palmer. He scored 0 — so actually, fair play, Jen. See you next week, sheep 🐑

AI-written. Human-checked. Ready for the chat.

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